I am in love with someone who lives in the United States, and I am in Canada. We have been on and off due to lack of communication and being apart for so long. But recently we have made the decision to pursue long term goals of being together. This would mean getting married in order for me to change residency, and him supporting me until I can work with a permit (1 - 3 years). The only problem is that he has a child with another woman, and that woman is still heavily in the picture and still wants to establish a family with him. He has not yet informed her of his decision to pursue things with me.
I need honest opinions, does it seem worth it to take the chance of uprooting and moving far away for him? And do you think him not being able to tell the other woman yet is a sign of hesitancy and uncertainty, or is it just because he is afraid and doesn%26#039;t know how he will break it to her?
Please be kind in your honesty. I don%26#039;t need to hear that I make bad choices. I%26#039;d just like some opinions about the situation.|||There is no point in moving until he sorts this out with the mother of his child. He will have to do it eventually - so he may as well do it now. He needs to understand that since you sacrificing so much for him, the least he can do is to provide you with some kind of warrant of a stable life. When you move your life in the States will be hard enough without his ex being in the picture.
Also, before you move make sure you have got something to come back to if things go wrong (like, if you have a flat, don%26#039;t sell it - let it out to a friend and have some funds in your saving account). This will make you feel more secure.
He seems quite committed for having agreed to support you until you get work permit. I think it is worth trying, who knows, you might just find a happy new life in a new place!
But definitely make sure he has got his previous relationship sorted before you move. This is a must!
Good luck!
|||having a long distance relationship is hard...you have to keep ur communication open in order to continue the spark...
you have to think whats good, especially whats the right thing to do...just dont be selfish in making decision...sometimes you have to sacrifice for what%26#039;s right...|||I would speak to your soon to be husband and say that you need his support. If he dosen%26#039;t do anything about it maybe you deserve better.|||If your man wants to be with you truly enough to marry you and live the rest of your lives together, he should be absolutely fine, if not excited, telling whoever will listen about his plans to spend his life with you. Do you really want to commit to a life-long situation right now if he%26#039;s not willing to be open with the other woman in his life about his intentions with you? If he hasn%26#039;t mended things with this other woman, he doesn%26#039;t deserve your willingness to make the most important decision of your life with him. This man will only be ready to give you his everything once he stops letting the other woman believe there is the slightest chance that they will be together someday.
I%26#039;d say, for the time being, you owe it to yourself to not make such a life-altering change at this immediate time. His certainty of wanting to get married should only be proven to you by his willingness to cut such a relationship off with another woman.
Hope I helped, and absolute best of luck to you :)|||Sorry, but NO. I was in an LDR with the distance only being LA/San Francisco and it was impossible. The baby mama drama only complicates the situation. I%26#039;ll bet you%26#039;re quite young and can find someone better suited to you that lives closer. American guys are pretty flaky and self-serving. I%26#039;m not sure what your guys are like, but I%26#039;d like to think that you can find a decent man without all of the entanglements closer to home. |||i am not sure but i think that if he has a child just let him live his life and go and find someone that u like or if u have a best friend that is a boy and doesn%26#039;t have a girlfriend go with him
hope it helps tried my best!!!!|||He needs to completely settle his situation with his ex before you even consider continuing a relationship with him let alone moving all the way over there!
Don%26#039;t get married for the wrong reasons either. It all sounds rather messy and risky. If you move there you%26#039;ll be without a job and dependent and you%26#039;d have left everything behind.
Are you willing to take that risk?
Think properly, trust your instincts and do what%26#039;s best for YOU.|||As to your heart contents, you can%26#039;t keep yourself from the one you love. Although, he maybe dealing with issues about his family this shouldn%26#039;t be a problem. What you can do is help him in his difficult situation by comfort words. Tell him no matter what, you will always be there. You want him to be apart of your life and this is what it has to come to. I don%26#039;t think you want to jump into this too soon. Marriage is a big step and a commitment. If your partner can%26#039;t communicate with you now on these terms or be on complete honest grounds, this isn%26#039;t the best time for that. As you mentioned he hasn%26#039;t informed the mother of his child of his intentions. It maybe possible he is still unsure of the plans you two are making together. There is also and indication that he is hiding the relationship you two have from her because she wants to establish a family with him. Your best bet is to just talk with him. If he answers your questions uncertained, don%26#039;t take the chance and cause yourself emotional pain. I suggest, if the guy you love isn%26#039;t making any effort to change/resolve his past problems he can%26#039;t have a future.
